As anyone that’s ever explored the idea of homeschooling knows, “socialization” is a topic that is likely to be brought up by the well-meaning, but usually ill-informed acquaintance. But as an introverted mom, sometimes this can be an especially sensitive topic. I’ve come to appreciate the beautiful contrasts and challenges that arise when nurturing the limitless energy and social hunger of my extroverted little learners, while balancing my own need for quiet serenity.
If you search for the definitions of introvert and extrovert, you’re likely to find a million different answers. Some people believe that you are either solely an introvert or an extrovert and you can’t be both. But as is the case with most things, the truth lies somewhere in the middle. Most people are a mix of both extroversion and introversion traits but tend to lean a little (or a lot) further in one direction. Typically, an extrovert draws their energy from the world around them and introverts tend to draw their energy from within.
I have found, as a self-proclaimed introvert, that introversion tends to be looked down upon more than extroversion. Generally, introverts are considered more socially awkward, shy, unsociable, or unapproachable. You rarely see blog posts giving advice to extroverts on how to be more introverted, but it’s very common for introverts to be the target audience of advice on “how to make friends” or “how to put yourself out there.”
When you’re a single mom, homeschooling two young kids, and you’re an introvert the thought “am I giving my kids enough opportunities for social interaction” is never far from your mind. I’m sure we as moms put more pressure on ourselves to give our kids every opportunity to meet their social needs, but it doesn’t lessen the pressure much to know it might just be coming from our own insecurities. Finding the balance between filling their “social” cup and emptying your “overstimulated” cup is key.
Being introverted doesn’t mean we can’t socialize, it just means we will probably need to decompress for a few days after we do. It also doesn’t mean that we don’t need to socialize. Our children, the little extroverts that they are, need opportunities to experience the world in new and exciting ways. They need friends and they need outlets for all of that energy. We all do, just in different doses.
2020 and the COVID-era really spoiled us introverts in giving us plenty of valid excuses to stay home. But now that the pandemic is over and especially as my kids get older, they’re getting more involved with sports and other activities, which means I’m required to leave my house much more often than I’d prefer. Sometimes it almost makes me miss the days of lock-downs. But the more I organize my calendar and learn to utilize my time efficiently, I’m finding I mostly don’t mind being forced to do my hair and makeup every day in order to be seen by the general public. I’ve been able to reconnect with some old friends through my kids’ sports and it’s actually been really nice catching up with people I haven’t seen in years.
I’m also learning that when I’m overstimulated and need time to decompress from the go, go, go, it’s actually really important to explain that to my kids and help them understand that people are all different and everyone has different needs. It’s (hopefully) teaching them compassion for others and selflessness; that the world doesn’t always need to revolve around them and their wants. I also want my kids to look at our home as their sanctuary. A place that they can always return to when they just need to recharge.
So if you’re an introvert and find yourself in similar shoes, try stepping out of your comfort zone to help your children have the experiences they need and desire, you might find that you end up enjoying yourself too, but don’t ignore your own needs as well. It’s okay to decline invites here and there or to say “no” to another activity this season. Parenting requires balance.
What strategies have worked best for you in creating a homeschooling environment that respects both introverted and extroverted needs? Have you discovered any surprising strengths or challenges in being an introverted mom homeschooling extroverted kids? Share your experiences!
Until next time, remember to embrace the chaos and pardon the mess,
Holly