Life is unpredictable. You can plan out every step of your life; what college you’ll go to, what career you’ll pursue, when you’ll settle down and get married, how long you’ll wait to have kids, how many kids you’ll have, the family vacations you’ll take together, what sports your kids will play, what kind of mom you’ll be. But as the saying goes, we plan and God laughs. Just like most young women, I had big plans for my life too. But while I was busy making plans, God had His own plan for me.
Hind sight being 20/20 and all, I now realize just how silly it is to make plans for one’s future and truly expect those plans to work out exactly as envisioned. We can’t even accurately predict the weather, much less the course of human events. If we’re being honest, uncertainty should really be what’s expected. Once we get over the fear of the unknown, then we can learn to embrace the beauty in what’s yet to be revealed. Single-motherhood is likely not a path many women plan on taking, and it’s certainly not a path I would’ve planned for myself. But now that I’m here, I’ve learned so much about myself and who I am versus who I want to be. I’ve learned what I’m capable of and have had to acknowledge what I’m not fully equipped for.
In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and turn away from evil.
Proverbs 3:6-7 NASB
There is so much uncertainty when it comes to divorce, especially divorce with young kids. The crushing weight of knowing that you are solely responsible for their safety, well-being, and security when they’re with you can be terrifying. I was never scared of storms until I became a single mom. But the realization that I was the only adult available to protect my children if a tree fell on my house, or a tornado hit, or lightning struck was almost debilitating. That is, until I surrendered my fear and put my trust in the Lord.
He knows the burdens of our hearts and He willingly takes them on Himself, if we’ll just trust Him. There truly is peace in knowing that you are never alone; He is always with you and He cares for you.The most important lesson I’ve learned through this change in my life, is how to embrace the unknown and trust that whatever path He has you on, is the right one, even when it looks nothing like the one you would’ve chosen.
I was a public school kid. I only knew two kids that were home-schooled and had basically no idea what homeschooling was and certainly never considered homeschooling my own kids. I wasn’t even sure I wanted kids, so worrying about what kind of education my hypothetical kids would have wasn’t exactly on the top of my priority list in my early twenties. Once I became a mom though, there wasn’t even a question. My then-husband and I were in total agreement that our kids would be home-schooled.
I was a stay-at-home mom when we came to the decision to homeschool and boy, did I start making plans. I wanted to be the “pinterest” home-school mom that did all the hands-on activities, and all of the unit studies, and nature walks, and field trips, and explored every awesome curriculum I could find.
Unfortunately, this is not how things would work out. I ended up getting a full-time remote job about a year before my divorce was final. Looking back now, I know without a doubt that this job was the first step on the new path that my life would be taking. It was at this point that I had to decide who I wanted to be. Did I want to continue down the path that I knew God had for me and pursue the calling I know He gave me to teach my own children and facilitate the absolute best education I could for them, or did I want to give up before I even tried because I knew that it would be challenging?
I decided I was going to try. My ex and I were still on the same page about home-schooling and it was encouraging that he still believed I was capable of doing it even after we divorced. While I didn’t face a lot of open and direct criticism on my decision, I also didn’t receive a lot of encouragement either and I realized just how loud the silence could be. It didn’t matter though, I knew what I was called to do and I was going to do it regardless of who had my back.
I would be lying if I said the first couple of years weren’t a challenge. The first thing I had to learn to let go of was all the things I thought our home-school would look like. I definitely wouldn’t be buying the thousand dollar curriculum that I really wanted; it wasn’t in the budget. The weekly field trips weren’t going to be feasible either; working a full-time Monday through Friday job kind of cancelled out the perks many home-schoolers enjoy of getting to visit museums, parks, and zoos during the less busy weekdays. All the hands-on activities and creating my own unit studies ended up being way too time and energy consuming; how was I going to fit everything that needed to be done in a week in if I was spending hours picking out the perfect videos, books, and articles to learn about ocean life for a month? I was bitter. My attitude was very poor. I was angry about the situation I found myself and that it wasn’t matching up with all of the plans I had made. I hated having to do it all on my own.
I quickly realized I needed a shift in perspective. Someone recommended a book to me that ended up being critical to changing my attitude. The Unseen Companion: God With the Single Mother by Michelle Lynn Senters was so eye-opening. It quickly helped me understand that I was not doing anything alone. He was always with me and I didn’t need to hold on to the bitterness or anger I felt. I could cast all of my burdens on Him and He would carry me through the most difficult days. When I leaned into Him and trusted in His ways, I found that it was so much easier for me to pivot when things didn’t work out like I expected.
I’ve learned to accept the unexpected, welcome change, never be too committed to a routine or plan, and to embrace the chaos. Remembering that this is just a season of life and that things will change quickly has really helped in dealing with the way things are compared to how I wish they were. Some days the laundry doesn’t get done or the dishes don’t get put in the dishwasher. But those are also usually the days that school went great or we managed to take a lunch break to the park. We may not be taking the weekly field trips that I had planned, but we are much more intentional about how we spend our free time and where we put our energy. We’re learning to navigate the uncertainty and embrace the chaos that life will inevitably throw at us.
If you find yourself in a season of uncertainty I encourage you to put your trust in the Lord. He will gladly carry your burdens and give you the peace that your heart longs for. And just remember, just because things aren’t working out the way that you planned, doesn’t mean they’re not working out exactly how He planned; and His plans are always better than ours.
If you’ve faced a season of uncertainty and want to share, I’d love to hear about how you learned to navigate it and what helped you get through it.
Until next time, remember to embrace the chaos and pardon the mess,
Holly